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I just got back from a jog. It’s surprising to state this fact. It seems it was likely a decade since my last. But It came to my attention that I have somewhat raised cholesterol, and the recommendation was to engage in vigorous activity on a consistent basis.

This is the first time in my life that my motivation to exercise has been my health status. When I was younger, I ran because I desired to slim down. I also jogged to cure feelings of anxiety – I was just running away from those feelings, not addressing it. On other occasions, I ran because I sought to improve at running. This was the definition to me then to build an improved existence.

Jogging with altered intent currently prompted contemplation about the approaches I’ve related with my physical self throughout my life and how this is changing as I progress from youth to midlife. It seems unlikely I’ve valued my physical form, not deep down. I’ve prized it just for its roles and the aims it provided: seeking approval; avoiding feelings; running a faster 5km. Up to now, I’ve not understood that I am my body, it is my existence, instead of a tool for outcomes.

A great deal has been explored through history about the separation of mind and body – which you will be relieved to know, I won’t summarize now. What I’ve found most fascinating is the Freudian perspective that mind and body are naturally unified right from the start, because bodily growth necessitates emotional evolution and vice versa. The newborn’s bodily experiences – such as the physical sensation of hunger – motivate consciousness to develop the capacity to recognise hunger as an emotion that can be sated by a feed; and the psychological solace and satisfaction regularly delivered by meal after meal supports the young mind similar to the nutrition sustains them bodily. Likewise mental events – like the desire to stand up and grab an object, and the persistence to attempt repeatedly – are the cause and means muscles grow stronger. From our earliest moments, our physical and mental selves are intertwined in shared growth as connected as DNA strands.

But I’ve observed, in treatment with my analyst, that mental and physical aspects may exist in a distinct connection – a more separated and more exploitative. My consciousness might utilize my physical self to hold and manifest things that my psyche considers unwanted or intolerable. During therapy we’ve become aware how exist specific feelings that I fear I can’t handle; rather than feeling these mentally, I subconsciously force them into bodily form, where they remain as bodily signs.

I used to get this with indigestion – which had nothing to do with food intake, but acted as a type of physical reflux of the sharper sentiments I couldn’t digest psychologically. This was not a deliberate decision, but when it was brought into my consciousness by my analyst, and my dread and vulnerability and anger and panic became palpable and expressed verbally in place of transformed into corporeal symptoms, it resolved. It’s uncommon for me from stomach problems currently.

The most severe episode I experienced this terrible acid reflux, I was unable to sleep for many nights straight. I believed I was slipping away from my mind. I consulted a general practitioner, who organised various examinations and assessments, but no issues were found physically wrong. It was an alternate medic who told me that the origin might be psychological. My psychoanalyst agreed. I was shocked, but I also felt it was accurate.

If an individual is suffering a bodily issue, it can be upsetting upon hearing that it could have a mental root. It can seem this as being disrespected, being told that their condition isn’t real. Certainly it’s a real phenomenon – people can have their suffering ignored or misdiagnosed. However, sometimes it’s possible that the bodily signs are genuine – no question – and the origin is psychological, the unconscious utilizing the physique to convey some pain or rage or any feeling awareness fails to handle. Sometimes, we may believe our feelings matters solely if manifested through the body. We often undervalue our mental states personally, collectively and culturally; why else would we tolerate the appalling killing-off of psychological therapies on the NHS?

My experiences have revealed that an improved existence cannot be built when we are stuck unconsciously in ways of relating, inside us and in relationships, that originate in disregard, exploitation and dealings. These interactions are frequently more straightforward to identify “externally” in broader culture. It may be more challenging to reflect on how they got out there, and to identify these patterns inside us and among loved ones, in the economy of our minds.

Yet it’s worth persevering. When I put my jogging shoes once more after such a long decade, venturing out not to get a better body, or to escape an emotion, or to surpass a running record, {it